In order to appreciate the best of something, we need to acknowledge the worst. So, like the proverbial band aid, let’s rip it off and list 2023’s stinkers.
10. AQUAMAN AND THE LOST KINGDOM
Ugh… Jason Momoa deserved better. The good just isn’t enough to overcome what became a DC/Warner PR nightmare. Aquaman makes the bottom ten more so due to the choppiness of the scenes that Amber Heard was part of. Any momentum from the action scenes and visual effects gets severely interrupted by those missing scenes. Seems symbolic that this marks the end of the DCEU that know. Now the ball is in James Gunn’s court. We shall see.
9. THE FLASH
Ugh part two… Michael Keaton deserved better. Off screen issues aside, Ezra Miller has acting ability but his version of Barry Allen just isn’t good. In fact, it’s quite annoying at times. Visually much better than some MCU films. The film and its multiverse premise was something this comic nerd was looking forward to. And while it’s not a terrible film and certainly not the worst comic book film in recent years, it was DOA due to the upcoming changes at DC.
8. REBEL MOON: PART ONE – A CHILD OF FIRE
Zack Snyder’s Star Wars attempt may be visually appealing but lack of true character development and spotty writing made this potential good idea for a franchise film into a two plus hour bore fest.
7. 65
Love the premise of a pilot crash landing on Earth 65 million years ago and winding up in the middle of Jurassic Park. What I didn’t like was the the execution and wasting of Adam Driver’s talents. So much potential to being more than what it was.
6. LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND
I wish I left this film behind. The movie starts off with lots of intrigue but much like 65, the potential was there but by the end of the 2+ hours, I honestly didn’t care. Extremely frustrating despite a very good cast led by Julia Roberts, Mahershala Ali and Ethan Hawk.
5. CANDY CANE LANE
I’m a sucker for holiday films. I am also a big Eddie Murphy fan. That combination should be a winning one but it’s not. This Amazon Prime original failed and basically gave us coal in our stockings because apparently we’ve been bad. Bah Humbug!
4. MEG 2: THE TRENCH
I could live with the first film reminding me of old SyFy channel monster shark films. It was fun and didn’t take itself seriously. Most Jason Statham films you need to suspend disbelief but Meg 2 ramped up the ludicrous plot and took itself way too serious. This mess makes some of the Sharknado films almost seem plausible… almost.
3. THE NUN II
It’s definitely scarier than the original. Unfortunately, that’s where it ends. Some good scares but slow pacing and often boring moments are not the right remedy for a horror film. Hard pass.
2. THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER
If only this film which tries to bring back the franchise to its terrifying roots but incorporating the original, was as good as the haunted house it inspired at Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights. Missed opportunity and wasted potential.
1. SAW X
Not sure what is more disturbing, the premise? The people who made it? Or the people who enjoy this gore fest? Perhaps it’s all of the above. Enough said.
Now that we got the bad out of the way, tomorrow I’ll talk about the best films I saw in 2023. Some may even surprise you.
May the Dork be with you,
JPB
The Dork Knight
